


Soft

by nerdelation8



Series: Attack on Inanimate Objects [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Ambiguously Happy Ending, Bertholdt wakes up in our world as a body pillow, Body Horror, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fear Play, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Inanimate Objects, Platonic Cuddling, Reiner and Bertholdt are best friends, Reiner is one too, Transformation, Yeah it's weird, body pillow tf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:47:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28499280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdelation8/pseuds/nerdelation8
Summary: Just after Armin’s Titan eats him, Bert wakes up in another world.  He’s a Bertholdt Hoover body pillow, and an excited Bert stan has just received him in the mail.At first Bertholdt’s frightened, but being safe, warm, and cuddled soon melts away his fear.
Relationships: Bertolt Hoover/Original Character(s), OC isn't described in much detail, Reiner Braun & Bertolt Hoover, Reiner Braun/Original Character(s), the important part is Bertolt
Series: Attack on Inanimate Objects [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2159013
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Soft

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Season 3 Part 2 of Attack on Titan

There was a sudden blast of light.

Bertholdt Hoover jolted awake. Temporarily blinded, he waited for his eyes to adjust.

A young woman filled his vision. She appeared to be in her early 20s, and her face and hair looked soft and lovely. “You’re so cute!” she said with an expression of pure delight.

Bertholdt felt a blush coming on. _Y-You’re cute too…_ he thought, but as usual around girls, he was completely tongue-tied.

She was adorable…

But wait, who was this girl? And what was going on? The last thing he remembered was a horrible, emaciated Titan reaching for him on the rooftop, just about to -

_AAGH!_

_WHERE’S THE TITAN?!_

Bert meant to spring up, unsheathe his sword and warn the girl as he searched for the creature, but his limbs refused to obey. Not even his neck would move. His frightened eyes scanned the room. 

The…room? At least he wasn’t on that roof anymore, so that was good, but where was he?

“Ohh!” the girl cooed as her fingers brushed his side. “You’re so soft and smooth.”

 _What’s happening?_ Bert panicked. _I can’t move - Did she poison me?!_

He soon got a glimpse of something white and fluffy. Before the Shifter could identify what it was, the girl rolled his body in her hands and slid him over the unknown object. 

It was a strange feeling, but it wasn't painful.

Eventually, Bert stopped struggling. His desperate mind still brimmed with questions.

_How'd I end up like this? Did I escape from that rooftop, but suffer permanent damage to my body?_

No, that couldn’t be.

_Magath told us Titan Shifters’ bodies can heal any injury, so long as it doesn’t immediately kill us..._

“There you go!” came the girl’s bright voice.

A zipping sound emanated from somewhere. 

“Look at that beautiful art!” Bertholdt’s captor beamed. “Fast shipping, too. I’m definitely giving that shop 5 stars!”

Then the girl hugged him.

“You’ll be perfect to hold at night.” She ran her hand down one of his arms. 

Shivers of pleasure ran through the transformed man, stronger than any he'd anticipated. His skin seemed to glow wherever the girl held him.

But he couldn’t let himself relax. _Something's not right here!_ his brain reminded him. _What’s going on? Where’s Reiner?!_

“Aw, don’t look at me like that,” the girl said sympathetically. Despite Bert’s height, she easily flipped his body over.

Suddenly, he found himself smiling. His arms were open, inviting her, as her warm curves hugged him. He smelled her sweet scent.

“It’s all good!” the mystery girl smiled. “You and your friend get to sleep with me every night!” 

His friend?

The mystery girl reached over the side of her bed and brought something on top of it. When the Shifter saw who it was, he lit up with joy.

_Reiner!_

The blond soldier merely stared at him with an unsettlingly frozen expression. 

As Bertholdt gazed at his friend, an icy feeling worked its way down his spine.

 _R-Reiner? Why isn’t he moving? Why,_ Bert realized with horror, _He’s nothing but a printed picture! And what’s that thing he’s lying on?_

But the Shifter wasn’t sitting on it. He *was* it. 

Because Reiner was just a pillow. One of those long ones made in Hizuru, with human figures printed on them…

_And so am I._

The proverbial hairs stood up on Bert’s arms. He couldn’t cry or demand an explanation. All he could do was stare helplessly at his captor.

No wonder this girl wasn’t treating Bertholdt as human, and no wonder she felt so happy upon seeing him.

He was just a case she'd bought for her body pillow. 

_Listen to me! Please!_ Bertholdt pleaded, although he knew his efforts were futile. _I’m human!_

 _At least..._ he sighed, _I used to be._

The girl paused, and a sad expression clouded her face.

Bert hoped that she had heard him. 

“Your best friend dies, and you die after the Battle of Shiganshina a few years before that...” She looked at Bert pitifully. “No one deserves to go out like you did. Eaten by a Titan while your former friends watched, and no one saved you…poor Bertholdt Hoover!”

The man kept listening, stunned that his captor knew all this about him.

“But that’s all over!” the girl continued. “All you gotta do now is chill on my bed and cuddle me every night."

The transformed Shifter reflected on his life so far. He remembered the horrors of battle. Fighting Titans, massacring innocent Eldians…betraying his former comrades. All to recover the Founding Titan, so Paradis could never threaten the world with an apocalypse again.

And he had failed.

But, somewhere beyond the guilt and horror lay another emotion. 

Relief.

_At least I’m still alive. And Reiner...he might have still survived in that cruel world. Maybe he can save us._

On a whim, the girl planted a kiss on Bertholdt. "Haha. Glad no one saw me do that.”

Bert got dizzy. His face felt like it was getting hot too - though that should have been impossible, given his current form. 

The girl relaxed onto the bed. Her arm wove around Bert’s torso and her leg draped over his.

Bert was turned slightly on his side as waves of pleasure radiated through him. In a daze, he stared at the other details of the room. There was a picture with the Survey Corps’s Wings of Freedom on it. There was a giant poster of Reiner. And there was a different poster of Bertholdt and his friends, his boss, his enemies, and even the girl he liked!

The title on this poster said, “Attack on Titan: Season 3, Part 2.”

Apparently his whole life was nothing but another world’s entertainment.

_Did life in that cruel world mean nothing?_

His sadness was muted, however, by the lovely feelings welling up as the girl’s arms enfolded him.

“You’re so nice to hold,” she said. “Glad I invested in a _fancy_ pillow this time!”

Why did her touch feel so good?

“I couldn’t help but get attached to you,” she told Bert. “You’re shy, and cute, and…well, you're not an evil person. I felt so bad when Armin’s Titan ate you!”

Elation and love washed over the Warrior. The happiness he felt was like simultaneously experiencing a delicious meal, a bath in a hot tub, and great sex. Though he could only guess at what that last one felt like.

“You’re safe now,” the girl said. Not wanting to leave anyone out, she scooped the Reiner pillow to her side, too.

She made a content noise as she hugged them. Bert could feel his hand touching Reiner's. _I just wish I could talk to him again._

The girl stretched her arms, yawned, and looked down at the two Warriors once more.

“Good thing no one can see me talking to my pillows like this…pshh.” She giggled. Then she yawned again, longer this time. “Feels like time for a nap.”

The girl’s breathing slowed, and eventually she fell asleep. A few minutes later, Bertholdt heard a yawn.

But it didn’t come from the girl. It came from the pillow next to him.

“R-Reiner?” he gasped in astonishment.

“Hey, Bertholdt! You’re finally here!” came the familiar voice of Bert's childhood best friend, whose hand touched his as the two pillows rested next to one another. “Sweet Ymir, I missed you! She ordered you like three weeks ago, and, well... _wow._ " The excitement was clear in Reiner’s voice. "How are you doing, man?”

“I'm good,” was all Bertholdt managed in his amazement. His friend seemed so...happy. “I'm glad you're okay! I missed you so much!”

“I missed you too,” Reiner replied. “I passed out during the battle of Shiganshina, after getting captured by Hange, and then I woke up here.” Then the blond's voice wavered. "Bert...I was worried about you, man."

“M-My Titan got...taken," Bertholdt said. It almost sounded like he was going to cry. “I was...on a rooftop, and everyone watched...”

Reiner replied, "God, I’m so sorry. Heard what happened and...holy shit. If I could, I would’ve killed those bastards and rescued you." 

“It’s okay. There was nothing you could do.”

Bertholdt tried not to think about his horrible demise. He focused on his current calm surroundings and the feeling of his best friend lying next to him.

“So...you’ve been here a whole month? What does the girl do to you?”

He’d heard jokes about what people did with body pillows.

“Don’t worry, weeb girl doesn’t actually bang us,” Reiner said with an amused chuckle. “Though I wouldn’t mind if she did.”

Bert didn’t know what a “weeb” was, but he had plenty of time to find out.

The rugged blond continued. “Mostly she just spoons and talks to us at night. Sometimes she reads books in bed or watches anime. It’s actually pretty cool. The show we’re on is called Attack on Titan, Bert, and she decided to order merch of us.”

Reiner spoke without moving his mouth. Bertholdt realized they’d both been communicating that way. 

“So she ordered us from some sort of catalog?” Bertholdt asked. “Is it like…an occult catalog that summons people from another world? Is she a witch?”

The lanky Warrior craved some sort of explanation for how he’d turned into an object. 

“The girl? Naw, I don’t think so. From what I can tell, she’s just a normal person, fresh out of school, going to work and living her life. Doesn’t seem to know we’re conscious. And the store she ordered us from is just a normal one, as far as I know.”

“It’s a mystery to you too, then,” Bert said.

“Yeah. But there are upsides to all this, though. All that hell we endured? It’s over! No more guilt, no more suffering... Sure, we may have lost that battle in Shiganshina, but we never need to kill anyone again. And sleeping with _her_ is great!”

“You don’t miss being human?” Bert asked in astonishment.

“At first, it really bummed me out. But living here, there’s just…this feeling like I belong. Sometimes I miss drinking, or working out, or even fighting Titans…but then she holds me, and I just melt. It’s like that’s all that matters. That’s…what I was _made for.”_

Reiner chuckled at his own sincerity. “But that might just be my pillow side talking.” 

“I see,” said Bertholdt. "I'm glad you don't think it's terrible. Do you think I'll feel the same way?"

“I don’t know, but you probably will."

"It does feel...really nice."

Being turned into an inanimate object with no way to talk to its owner was an objectively horrifying situation. But as the minutes went by, Bert felt himself minding it less and less. 

His best friend was here to talk to, after all. _Reiner's safe. And neither of us will die. (At least, not again.)_

And being held by this mysterious person felt so comforting. Feelings of love and tranquility rippled through every stitch of Bertholdt's body.

“It’s so good to see you again,” he said to his friend. “And just hang out. After that last couple of battles,” he admitted, “I...I just wanted to rest.”

His cohort nodded. “You looked broken. Said you wished you could just retire from battle and settle down with someone kind and sweet for the rest of your life.”

As the girl held them close, they could hear her heartbeat. Bertholdt became acutely aware of every warm curve of her body. Something in him fluttered. 

“Heh,” Reiner chuckled. “Seems like that’s exactly what happened.”


End file.
